On Tuesday night Marc and I met new friends for tacos at a great little Mexican joint down in Chelsea called El Presidente, before we all went to the dharma gathering at Shambhala. I enjoyed it even though the talk kind of wandered around and didn’t have a focus, my left knee and hip screamed angrily at me during the meditation period (very un-Buddhist, knee and hip!), and as is often the case, the evening included dyadic exercises.
I hate dyadic exercises. Since I was there with Marc, I could’ve just done it with him but we aren’t “supposed” to interact with people we already know. Damn. I hate that.
Before the exercises, the teacher spoke about the point of meditation (and the gains you make from meditation) really mattering most when they are integrated into your life and taken into the world. I can sit on a cushion in a little room all day long, but the value of it is to take that into the world, into interactions with other people. She talked about being in the presence of people with very strong centers, very peaceful and aware people; she said others can feel that, it affects others too, and I know what she meant. It can feel like a physical force of peace, being in the presence of people like that. (And it can be a little disconcerting too, if you are in a very different place.)
Apparently this is a very common bit of teaching for meditation practice, but I had never heard it before: Sit with a strong back and a soft front. For the exercise, we were first told to hold that stance, strong back and soft front, and interact with each other. I was so busy concentrating on strong back, soft front (as was Matt, my very sweet partner) and the exercise felt weird, affected. Our next task was to simply sit and interact however we wished, and for both Matt and me, there was a lot of slouching (to indicate comfort and to encourage comfort for the other person) and leaning-in. We were more animated, a little less distracted. The last task was to first spend 30 seconds or so connecting with ourselves, getting anchored in ourselves, and then to simply open our eyes and interact. That was really amazing. It sounds obvious, but with that one I felt like I was ME, looking at him and engaged with HIM. You could hear the energy levels shift in the room too — it was loudest with the second task, and quiet and steady with the third. (With the first I was so distracted by trying to maintain a strong back and soft front I don’t know what was happening in the room.)
I want to think more about this strong back/soft front thing, and see if I can find it naturally in my body and experience. My back is not strong, but my yoga practice is certainly working on that, so perhaps as it begins to feel stronger the attitude will be more natural to me. The soft front part I get, easily — it’s just that in conjunction with the strong back that isn’t as immediately intuitive. But that little exercise, even though I hated it, showed me the power of taking that moment to check in with myself first. The whole “Put on your own oxygen mask before helping others” thing I guess. And of course “strong back” isn’t just literal. My literal back may be weak for now, but as long as I am solid within myself and open to others, that is the deeper definition of strong back and soft front, isn’t it?
You know, really I should just shut up and quit saying things — especially quit saying things as if I know anything. So often here on this blog, and in my own mind and life and conversations with people, I’ve said something about change coming about during times of trouble. That during easy times, peaceful times, happy times, people don’t really change so much. My thought was that during the easy times, people are just enjoying themselves, each other, life, and there is no press to stimulate change. But there is another possibility, too. During easy times, we have the time and space to reflect, to work with some of the consequences of the difficult times. Our attention (and intention) can be directed toward growth of all kinds: from plants in a garden to personal growth. This prolonged period of quiet and ease has been tremendous for me, and the various things I’m working with are affecting each other in a nearly exponential way. It’s kinda cool. Mindfulness, meditation, one thing at a time, quiet, yoga, food and exercise, family, peace, inner quiet. Highly recommended, and not at all overrated.
Happy Friday, everyone. I hope your long weekend has something good, something fun, something with friends and/or family, and everyone be safe!
